There's a Calm Before a Storm

Last night I was chatting with someone whose opinion I respect. He has a blunt frankness about him which is refreshing, and it is thanks to his awakening insight that has made me come to realization with myself at some level.

I shall not divulge in specifics as it was at the time 2.30 in the morning and I must admit details are a little fuzzy right now. When I woke at the sound of rain beating against my roof and window, I find the interesting coincidence I am in as I’ve always been partial to rainy weather. Its like nature’s way to wash the grit and grime of yesterday. It possesses the astonishing ability to refresh the living. Introducing new sounds and smells around me. The chill, the coziness it brings, enhances the warmth and protection I feel within my home.

It was with such awareness that has taken root deep in my mind and began to grow, even though it is a barren wasteland, perhaps from years of neglect and abuse of my part. So many things I could enrich myself with and yet haven’t done so. I haven’t studied as I want to study. I mean to begin afresh. Like rain, my friend’s curt and perhaps bruising honesty washed the dust and watered the ground.

We have discussed at length the differences between belief and faith. What romanticisms we have in life, general or otherwise. Along those lines came the discussion of trust. A moral value I’ve long lost in the opposite sex. It is with my negativity and distrust that has caused me to lose something precious to me before. Although I hope it is not forever lost but I have monsters of my own to tame before I can re-establish anything.

First thing first is to have faith and belief in myself before anything else. More or not, I would like to have faith in myself again as belief can be fleeting whereas faith is lasting. Perhaps with belief and faith in myself again, I can come to love myself. For how can a person give love and deserve love in return if she doesn’t love herself in the first place?

Bread - Its Sticks, Just Got Sticker - Part II

Okay, so I found another bread recipe online for dinner rolls. Who doesn’t love dinner rolls? You can have them with almost anything, right?

But wait… this dough called for 3.3/4 cups of all purpose flour.

Now we all know what all purpose flour is for. It’s for everything from baking cakes to making sauce, so how come it’s being used for bread rolls? All purpose flour has very little, if at all, protein and gluten formation possibilities. Every time the tiny bacteria eats the protein and churns out CO2, it ain’t gonna get trapped in the dough.

I don’t want that to happen, and yet this recipe states it so. Hmmm…so going with my gut instinct, I reduced 1.3/4 cup of the all purpose and added the same amount of bread flour into it.

And when to work beating the hell out of the dough.

This is really messy work so forgive me if I didn’t take an pics of the dough and all that. I really need a solid kitchen table to work the dough. The one I have in the kitchen is unacceptable work surface, with all the paint flaking and cracks, nuh uh. The counters which are solid however, are all occupied to the max with my mother’s collection of kitchen appliances and quaint ‘might needs’. Like the 3 blenders, or the 2 juicers, and for the love of Martha Stewart, throw that broken scale already. She has a new one from last Christmas and yet the old one is still there, occupying space.

I know, perhaps one day, God willing, I would own a place of my own and perhaps clutter my own kitchen the same way. By that time I will give permission to whoever resides with me to question and in certain extreme cases, take action when necessary (like calling my mother for instance).

*Ahem* But I digress, back to the dough.

To my pleasant surprise it raised rather nicely. Although a bit smaller than I liked. The loaf earlier on was only 1 cup of flour and yet rose twice the size this one is, but then size doesn’t matter, its how you handle it. It ended up even smaller once I punched it lightly for the 2nd rising.

After the 2nd rising, gently took it out, shaped it, cut it into small mounds and rolled it into a semblance of a ball and placed them in greased trays. I also painted some egg yolk over each just for the colour and shine.

Into the oven.

Okay, this recipe had butter and sugar, so it bakes rather fast…which I forgot when I went into my room for a break and was lost in the internet reading on more bread science.

By the time I remembered, the 1st batch’s bottom was burnt. Awww crap. In goes the 2nd and 3rd batch.

Now the 3rd batch, I ran out of baking trays (the 1st one still cooling) so I used a muffin tray and put in smaller balls of dough in there. The 2nd and 3rd batch came out rather well.

The rolls went kind of flat during the baking process and when I cracked one open, there’s no sense of gluten in it at all.

See when you break bread, you have the gluten stretching against the pull. You can feel it, especially when you bite into it and with all the pockets the gluten makes, the bread is soft and fluffy.

Mine was not.

Yet… it kinda was.

Kind of hard to describe, it had a strange consistency between a muffin and a dinner roll. This I blame on the all purpose flour. Think about it, the recipe that uses all purpose flour, butter, eggs and sugar, can be made into muffins, cakes or pancakes, but if you add yeast to it, it makes dinner rolls? Doesn’t add up.

So I learned my lesson to trust my gut instinct more and to use more bread flour the next round.

Glad to say though that this time, despite the confusing texture, the taste was good. The 3rd batch of the mini bread bits in shape of the muffin tray was gone by the time I remembered to take pictures.

^_^

This time, even mom liked the taste. Heh.

PS: I would've uploaded 2 more pics but for some reason I keep getting an error whenever I try. Could be my crappy connection. It's been acting up these past 3 days.

Bread - It Sticks (Part 1)

For the past two weeks I’ve been diligently applying myself in the study of the art of bread making. I mean, how hard can it be? Flour, yeast, salt and water, mix mix mix, leave it to ‘grow’ then bake. Right?

At least that’s what I thought before I found out I don’t even have the right type of flour in the house. Not to mention the yeast is at least 3 yrs old and probably all the little buggers have retired and died.

Never mind, just means a quick stop at supa save. Lets see, bread flour. I must get good bread flour high in protein so the little critters in the yeast would have plenty to eat and burp carbon dioxide to form the little pockets that makes the bread light, big and poofy. High protein also meant it’s easier for gluten to form during the kneading process.

I never kneaded anything in my life before. Can’t be all that bad.

Turns out there’s more to do before I can actually make the bread. See, there’s this stage where you make the ‘sponge’ or ‘spool’ or is it ‘spooge’? Whatever, it’s a pre mix of yeast, flour and water you mix, knead and let it rise in the fridge (yes fridge) over night. This helps make a better bread because the more you let a dough sit, the better the flavour. However can’t let the bread sit for too long or else it would have a beer like kind of taste. Therefore a ‘sponge’ is recommended.

Now for the actual bread making. Flour, water, yeast, salt, ‘spooge’ (or is it ‘sponge’?) = one yucky goopey mess. I don’t know what I did wrong but should it be that sticky and goop like? I thought I was making bread, not Slimer. Maybe the gluten hasn’t formed enough, I kept kneading but the dough refused to cooperate. 20 mins later my arms ached, my table was covered in flour and the dough which I have fondly named ‘damn blob’ sat there like a smug overstuffed fat kid on Halloween.

Flour, yes, perhaps it needs more flour. So I kept adding, until it started looking like a more manageable dough. Cut it into 3 parts, and put them into the pan for one final rise before popping into the oven.

One hour and a half later, the lovely smell of baked bread wafted through my mother’s kitchen. It had this wholesome bread smell, like toast, only better.

I took it out and poked it. Actually, poking is an understatement, the crust was so hard, when I wanted to let it cool on the side, it actually fell out of the pan and went ‘KLUNK!’ on the table.

The crust was [this-thick] and slicing it was like sawing a log. Inside was brown and spongy and a little undercooked. Well, so much for ‘mastering the art of baking’ and dreams of making little mouth watering buns.

The final blow was from my own mother. “Smells nice, doesn’t taste so great though. I make better bread than this.”

Okay, I admit, my first loaf of bread isn’t that impressive but still, ouch!

So I swore to keep on trying until my mother admits that I too can make good bread, or at least in par with hers.

- To be continued -

Just In Time

I must admit that lately I've been neglecting many things.

*not because I was all the time fishing*

Even stuff that I'm most fond of. Reading, drawing, gaming, Chou Sing Tze movies...

Admittedly everything isn't peaches and cream but eventually it will be. I'll let you know why.

Beacause I'm on a break now. A lovely, relaxing, 10 days of blissful NOTHING.

*This is how I look napping, with no make up, on a fishing trip with my family, deal with it.* ***Takes mental note to kill sister who took this picture while I was asleep.***

That's right, since I don't have the time (mostly) to do what I want, then I take the time to devote myself solely in the spoiling of, yes you guessed it, MYSELF.

Although I must say, what time I did have during the weekends are well spent with my family and the occasionally weekend work demands but the rewards are far greater with grateful work colleagues and even more importantly, my relationship with my family.

Sad to say the 6 years I spent living on my own in Bandar made me rather blind to the changes that has happened in my family. Or perhaps it is I that have changed. Perhaps I have matured enough to see.

Whatever the case maybe, I felt it was a good move for me to live back and relate again with my family despite whatever moanings and groanings you might have heard from me. My itchy scratchy relationship with my mother is as static as ever however, we've grown accustomed to it and has even evolved to a sort of comfortable, abliet slightly bitter, banter between mother and daughter.

My father is more or less the same fella, although now he's growing more like those old men you see in the movies who likes to sit around, day dream a bit with a cig in hand and a cold beer on the table. He is now doing more gradening, a new hobby he's picked up over the last couple of years which I'm happy to see. Granted fishing is fun but I feel more secure to know he's at home instead of out in some cold wet spot, exposed to bugs and snakes and God knows what else. Not that he can't take care of himself, dad is a regular trooper when it comes to the outdoors, but he's not getting any younger and I rather he be close by.

My brother has grown more annoying than I could possibly imagine. I believe it's my mother's way of compensating for the amount of intelligence I have when she gave birth to me. Somewhere in her, tiny motherly cells were telling her to hold off on the IQ department when she was suffering from the smart mouth of her 4yr old first born. Therefore she has made her next born, my brother, more brawny than brainy. Although, she does have the tendacy to over do things a little bit. (Like too much grapefruit in the cheesecake she was making the other day.) I swear to you, my brother is an entirely new species of fruit altogether. Still, he is good at heart and his morals are straight eventhough not all the lights are on upstairs. He doesn't do drugs, steal or cheat, gamble or drink excessively. That much I am thankful for.

My adorable baby sisters are now young teens before I can say 'whoopsie daisy'.

The older one is in the midst of getting ready for her graduation night which is something of a high school musical (there will be a performance which she is part of) and a prom.

For the past two weeks or so, she has been talking about the 'graduation night', wondering what to wear, how to wear it and where to get it. Why just last saturday I took the girls out to the capital and we did nothing but shop for her shoes, shawl (for when it gets cold), bag and accessories. Her shoes alone took us one whole day! It's too high, too low, too expensive, too cheap, too ugly, too stylish, too colourful, too plain, yada yada yada. We shopped from Gadong, to Bandar and finally to Tutong where we eventually found the perfect pair. By that time I was thoroughly exhausted, sitting there like a melting blob, munching on waffles from the nearby Hua Ho.

The younger one is turning out to be an airhead wannabe. She's got a brain under that hood of hers but is just too lazy to use it. She loves the material and superficial things most teens her age loves. Absolutely addicted to facebook and her mobile, of course. Really a little delicate picky princess, from doing her own hair every morning before school to picking out her own choice of clothes. Ok, perhaps I'm expecting too much from her. She's got the right to do her own thing. But you know the best thing about her? She's absolutely lovable.

And I think that's important, especially to my mother cuz I must admit, mom doesn't get a lot of love from her other kids. Oh, we love her, of course we do but we just have a difficult time showing it. I don't know why. Nature perhaps.

Aaaaanyway, to wrap this up, I'm gonna say I don't regret moving back at all. Yes, it's a small town. Yes, I do get tired of all the uncles and aunties saying, "Aiyah! Ah Fah! Your eldest ka? Wah big girl now oh? Where she is working now? Ah? There ah? Oh, I know, I know. That's good right? My girl? Oh she is now with her husband in KANADA liao lor! Ya lo!...."

*sigh*

Where was I? Oh yeah, about how happy I am that I'm back in KB. Ya me.



lol. Seriously though. I am. Although I admit I miss my friends and the life I had in the capital, but time moves on, and I feel that now I'm in the right place on exactly the right time.

I Heart Bamboo Fun

Recently I became the proud owner of a brand new Wacom Bamboo Fun.



This is something that is beyond my imaginings because I've always thought a tablet is too hardcore for me. That it's something people use to actually make a living out of their art.


Haslin convinced me otherwise. She volunteered her brother's Wacom Graphire4 tablet for me to try out. At first I was really skeptical about the outcome. Sure it helps an artist to lineart and especially colour their stuff but does it really help since I'm mostly doing pencil art?


Yes it does help, people. It helps ALOT.


Think of this. For years you've been cutting grass by HAND using the traditional sickle. Then one day your friend decided to lend you his lawn mower.

BAM! Now you know you've only been fooling yourself.

This is how good it is. Work is cleaner smoother and done faster. No more fiddling with the scanner's settings or wasting loads of paper to practice on. No more buying pencils, pens, markers and copics. No more end of the world when you make a whoopsie on a piece of art.


I had to get one of my own.



For a while I've looked for one and the only ones I can find are small sized ones OR the medium but really expensive ones. Singapore was the only place that has medium sized Wacom Bamboo Fun which is the one I wanted. It has the right size and price range. I had the means but not the location. XD


It's all thanks to Haslin who volunteered to get me one when she went visiting Singapore during the chinese new year. EEEeeeee! Joy of joys!

She even got me a discount and a tablet carrier bag. (I heart you so much girl!)


What are the resulting stuff I've been able to create from the Bamboo Fun? Check it out! ^_^

Brand New Year ~ Brand New Change! POSITIVE THINKING IS POWAH!

Many of you know that I've been working at my current job for a long time now. Really long time. Like 6 years long time.

So when I got word from my brother of a job offer based in Anduki, I gave him my CV and think nothing of it afterwards. After a couple of weeks only my brother told me his boss wanted to interview me.

I was happy.

Well, I was kinda panicking cuz you know, I haven't gone for an interview for so many donkey years now, would I make an ass of myself?

Then the positive persona in me said, "NO! You have done a lot for your current company and you've accomplished many goals in your job. Implemented many ideas and marketing strategies. Supervised and trained a staff for an international franchise of high quality repute. HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF!"

And it's true. I brought out my positive person and walked into the interview, sure with tiny butterflies in my stomach, but I did very well and I thought the interview was smashing. In the end, she offered the job for me on the spot and I accepted.

WOOT!

Positive start to a positively faboo looking new year! Wonderful right?

Today when I was driving back to Bandar, I was istening to the DJ on the radio and she said, 70% of negative comments and crits actually comes from your love ones, your family. Which is very true and over the years I've slowly trained myself to turn a deaf ear to all that negativity. But I'm not perfect. Not fool proof.

It's one thing to get negativity from my elders, you know, parents, older siblings, cousins, etc, because they are older, they lived longer, they are more experienced and mature. Right? That's because I respect them at that level.

However to have one's YOUNGER siblings to start lecturing and going all negative on one is too much for one to stand for.

Seriously, I need to put up a professional front to work with my sibling in close proximity in the same company. Heck, as if we don't see enough of each other already at home.

I'm seriously considering renting my own place.

OK! Enough with the down and negative thoughts! OUT! OUT! SHOO!

Positive note again! I'm also seriously considering getting a family car for the family's use. Such as the ~


Toyota Vios! Manual of course cuz I can't stand auto. I dunno why though. I mean in jams auto is the easiet but I really like to feel in control of my own vehicle, so there ya go.

That's the colour I'm thinking of picking as well. So what do you all think?

XD

I'm so excited!

Happy New Year! 2009! WTF!

Okay, I thought that perhaps heralding in the new year means a fresh start. A beginning in the beginning. New year resolution and what not.

But noooo...

what happened to my new year?

Er, let's see, I didn't get celebrate in the 'traditional' sense because I'm sick. Yes, down and out with flu, runny nose, cough, sore throat, the whole package deal.

Then one my way home after a visit to the doctor my car broke down in the middle of the small roundabout near the petrol station in Beribi. What la!

Okay, don't panic cuz nothing good can come from panicking. I put on the emergency signals, tried to start my car again and again... it would run and then die again after a few meters... so there ya go, I basically 'crawled' my way to the new building of Baiduri Finance's parking lot and called in the tow truck.

After that I learned how to get recharge from the ATM (woah, it was freaking easy, I should do this more often, it's cool! -sakai-) and called in my parents, my friends, basically everyone who I thought would need to know that my car broke down or could send me back home.

In the end it was Del who came to the rescue. Ah, Del, man I really owe him one.

Ok!

No more bad thoughts and karma from this moment forth! Think GOOD THOUGHTS! Count thy BLESSINGS!

It's great that my family had my car fixed so fast. I hope to pick up my car soon. *sigh* You know, evertime some shit happens to my car I would thinkg, "Maybe I should get a new car." Every time. I mean it's just too temptimg sometimes yo. But then again, I would think, the insurance, the tires, the monthly payment for the next 7 years... *sigh*

Gak! NO! Good thoughts! Good THOUGHTS!

*ahem*

Well, positive side is that I get to meet Alex!!! Man, it's been so long I haven't seen the bloody fella. Alex! We gotta meet up proper next time yo! Seriously, I dunno anyone who can take things in like Alex and give you the outright no bullshit in your face opinion. Maybe Effy and I should arrange a trip to Temburong. Hee. What do you think Effy? *hint hint*

Alright, I'm off. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

How I Wish...

After a day of extra 'special' people I encounter at work, I got rather frustrated. I really wish I can print this out and display it.

Back To Basics

As you know I haven't updated since God knows when. I know, I know, I was keep up on my updating for a while and after that I just seem to disappear.

A lot has been happening at work and it just keeps on coming. If not the cycle of staff quitting and staff hiring and staff training and staff quitting again, then it's something to do with the big renovation of the shop. I'm actually happy with this because I've been frustrated with the junk that's been accumulating in the shop. I dunno about the other girls, but seriously, do you think it's worth saving every cute looking paper clip and almost used up roll of string?

I even volunteered to clear the junk out a few times and yet, I was told "oh, just sabar (be patient), wait till the renovation."

That was 6 months ago.

Ok, I admit that I'm something of a pack rat as well, saving everything from old receipts to broken door knobs. But hey, at least it's my junk in my room. Not my junk in someone's way. Seriously, the new girls leave their junk everywhere and my exec and I are getting increasingly frustrated with them. (Not that her Execness doesn't have her bits of junk here and there as well.)

These new girls. *bleh* There was this one time, she used my exec slippers at work while cleaning, then when she's done and changed back to her heels, she just toss the slippers into the counter. I was shocked! Immediately I asked her, "Eh...dang, bisai jua you throw ppl's barang, ah. Next time I use your barang I also throw throw here and there, suka hati ku, ok?"

Baru dia terasa.

I mean come on la, just because you're raised with your mother and amah picking up after you doesn't give you the right to treat your work place like your home.

Then there's the issue of one of them having transport problems, so she wants to live with me in the hostel for the next 3 weeks. Yikes. I should get my room ready as soon as possible. (Translation: Clean my shit up!)

Did you know that out of 4 lights, 3 of them konked out? I should get them replaced as soon as possible. I'm tired of romantic candle light. XD

Recently without a camera or photoshop, I have no digital outlet for my artistic self, sooooo, Back to Basics! I'm back using pencil and paper again. Not that I've stopped using them, just that for a long long time I've been using Photoshop to edit my sketches to make them look finished. I really miss photoshop, all the stuff I can do, all the brushes I had downloaded. *sigh* It just doesn't seem to work right anymore on my laptop.

Good thing about going back to basics is that I've started hunting up art supplies again which is always fun. I found this shop with great inking pens ranging from 0.1 to 0.8 and they are really good, quick dry, no smudge when erasing, pens. I'm planning on getting more.

Of course, as another artistic outlet, I've been scanning and posting my art stuff online for crit and comments in a forum called Manga Tutorial Forums. There's this thread where they present a theme each week and you are challenged to make an original character according to the theme.

Pirates


Angel


Steampunk


Musician


Atlantian


At the moment I'm working on last week's theme (I suggested it and it was taken! Woot! Fun!) which was 'clowns' and this week's theme which is 'Beach'. I'm wondering what I should do for beach though, cuz everyone just submits beach babes in bikini. I want to do something else.

Oh well, I'm sure something will come up.

GIGO (Garbage In, Garbage Out): Part II

I just finished watching Mama’s Boy last nite. Ok…you know, sometimes when you watch a movie and you go, “OMG, that totally reminds me of so and so!” Yeah, I got that moment as I watched Mama’s Boy. I won’t mention his name but I enjoy the movie more just because how much it resembles this guy I know. Shikin knows what I mean. She and I were just wandering around the Mall and we decided to catch a movie called Grandma’s Boy. God, one of the characters reminded both of us of my ex bf so much, we just laughed all through the movie.

That’s one major way of how a person can enjoy a movie I think cuz it’s just how this is a movie that the audience can relate to, maybe its because of something they have done or they have been through or just resembling someone they know.

Another thing I’ve watched is Bambino. Bambino is a short series about this eager japanese guy who wants to be an italian chef. So he goes all out in learning the tricks of the trade or training under chef. So he thinks. Instead he just runs into one wall or another. It’s interesting and makes me hungry for pasta.

Another reason why I watched Bambino cuz it’s Matsumoto Jun’s first series he acted in and if you’ve read my previous posts, you know he’s also acted in Meteor Garden Jap ver and Gokousen. I don’t think he’s a really good actor but he’s just so damn cute when he acts all eager. Sorry to say so but when he acts angry, especially as Domyoji in Meteor Garden, I just feel like going “awwww! Cute!” Rofl! I mean its like a 6yr old kid fuming that you bumped into him and made him drop his ice cream cone. I just think he’s still too young so his acting isn’t all that mature as all the other actors and actresses in Japan.

Speaking of series, there’s this weird Stephen King written series called Kingdom Hospital I just finished watching the last episode last nite as well (I slept at 3am) and I just like to say, it’s very easy to digest. It’s not complicated. Feels like a really long movie instead of a series. Entertaining and funny at times.

Serena says it’s scary but when I watch it with Stephen King in mind, it’s not that scary. Its creepy, with all these dark atmosphere and the spiritual characters walking about but being that it’s so well written, I find myself paying more attention to what they say or how they say it. They are times when they apply a scrub like moments like bursting into song while in ER but otherwise it just emphasize the weird factor of the series which is what I think they are aiming for. There’s no stuff jumping out in mid movie, or girls scrawling out of MRI scanners or lone pale little boys staring at you via security camera. Heck, the headless man running around looking for his head was funnier than anything else. I find that Paul, the evil teen, is hawt…kinda like younger Jonny Depp as Sweeny Todd. Or Edward Scissor hands but evil.

Cool quote from that series, “I do you a solid, you do me a solid.”

GIGO (Garbage In, Garbage Out)

Today is a lucky day.

It’s the 8th of august 2008.

08.08.08.

Yeah… just wait for 08.08.8008 or how about 08.08.8888. Shit, imagine that. I’m sure that by then, if the world is not ruled by (quote Austin Powers) ‘damn dirty apes’, it’s sure to be ruled by some human like kind of species that’s part chinese… or quarter chinese.

Or maybe it wouldn’t be chinese, but a totally new genre, like maybe Chinafrican or Indinanese, but still with chinese blood somewhere in them, and they would also hold the date 08.08.8888 sacred and hosting parties online where they could have actual tequila shots (think Matrix), then up having virtual one night stands and waking up to an empty msn chatbox.

Shit, by then ppl would have virus protection against STD online. You know, herpes.exe or aids.dll and you’d have some protection program like ‘Doc Durex’, protection 97% against virtual STD.

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You know lately I feel laggish. A lot of times I feel like I’m on top of the world, you know, able to be on the dot with work but at times I just feel like crap and kept dropping the ball at work. Which is not good.

Dropping the ball at work is never good. But what is good is to able to admit that I have dropped the ball and that I have apologized for dropping the ball and now I’m willing to pick up the ball and try again. Right?

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I’ve been playing this brain game on facebook which I totally suck at it but I keep playing it. Don’t you just hate that? It just pisses me off, but then after I logged off, 10 minutes later I’m loggin on again in the pretense to ‘check my other apps’ but before I know it, I’m cursing at the game under my breath again.

In the middle of playing these games, I’m downloading these podcasts from Halfpixel. Halfpixel are made up of a group of webcomic artists, talking about cons, their work, sharing their stories and tips and it’s just fun listening to them.

Especially if you, like me, have been a fan of reading one of their comics, in my case, I’ve been reading PvP Online (there's a link to his webcomic on the sidebar of this blog) for years now without complaint. Scot Kurtz and those other guys he work with at Halfpixel are absolutely entertaining to listen to. But then again, you’d have to be interested in the stuff they do and know at least the webcomics they create. Hey, or you’re just a fan like me who gets a kick just listening to them ramble.

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I’ve got this thing against talking about work but I can’t resist against talking about the characters that come into the shop sometimes. My mind kind of gets annoyed sometimes at some people who walk into the shop in the middle of the morning, something like 10-ish, in full office gear, you know, shirt plus tie plus dark pants and spanky shoes. Makes you wonder, do these people not work???

And this happens on Monday mornings even. It’s weird. You know it when kids are cutting school when they walk in in the mornings still in their school uniforms but its like these kids grew up, graduated from arcade shops of yore, don on their dad’s office clothes. It’s not cool to walk around like you can skimp off work cuz people know you’re skimping off work.

Then there are those people who just keep staring at the price tag and then read a bit about the products, asks a question or two, then stare a bit more at the price tag. I mean, it’s not like the numbers presenting the price of the item is gonna magically morph into something else (I assume a smaller figure) under your awesome psyhic powers. I dunno, maybe the person gets a kick out of it. He must be thinking, *Change dammit, change! I dun get it, it works when I use my amazing mind powers at the traffic light! I mean, it turns green whenever I willed it.*

Like this ‘_’ to this O_O to this o_O then to this O_o then back to O_O then finally ended with ‘_’???

Yeah, you can almost see the question marks popping up above their noggins.

Of course then you have those people who never bother to look at the price tag at all. I dunno about others but when I go shopping and I want to know the price about something, I just turn the damn thing over and *viola!* the price tag is right there. Be it panty liner, shoes, clothes or bags, 99% chance there’s likely a price tag attached on the item.

But noooooo, these customers apparently shop at those high end, high class, high fashion, 10th avenue, avant grande places cuz only those places have no price tags cuz normally people who shop there don’t bother asking for how much the item is worth, they just pick. Right?

Yeah, apparently, these people shopped there all their lives cuz every damn time they enter the shop, they would point at an item and ask me how much is that item. Not that I mind answering them but how lazy are you to not just pick it up and turn the item around kan? Seriously? Just flip it around and look, its right there. I spend a considerable amount of my time tagging each and every one of those items, so at least have the courtesy to actually turn-the-damn-thing-around.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

Last off day I was hanging out with Rozi at her studio, something I haven’t done in a long time. She was suppose to finish off her latest rose painting but instead, we went out a got some of those air drying clay, cuz she wanted to repair this accesory stand which was wonky at the base. I ended up making a poring (creature from Ragnarok) and poring’s cloud. I know porings don’t float on clouds but this poring is now in poring heaven. I mean with the number of porings a character kills in Ragnarok, there’s got to be gazillions of them and since they aren’t aggro, they deserve heaven.

Rozi also taught me how to make ketupats out of ribbons and now I’m thinking of getting a bunch of ribbons and making a bunch to put into gift baskets or bags for Raya friends. Last year I got a case of drinks for Pat and Shikin and the year before that I got them cake. I am not exactly sure what to get them this year though, I mean, I would like to bake them something but mom’s oven is out of service.

I’m hoping my brother get his job so we can both share and buy her a new one. I didn’t even know that a gas oven could break down but apparently they can!

Okay, that’s enough rambling from me. Just a bunch of garbage dump from me, you know, garbage in, garbage out. Expect more of such posts from me because at the moment there is just so many mini things going on in my mind. Its like too mini to devote a whole post to and these multiple mini things do not relate to each other at all but then again too many to just ignore.

ARGH! Alright!! Whatever! BRING IT ON!

Hey, remember last month I talked about how I had that car accident and how I dropped my laptop?

And the month before that they froze my bank account because they had doubts about my fluctuating salary?

Then before that I lost my Supa Save card?

Just two weeks ago I lost my atm card.

Now I got a new shiny one so that's not too bad...

What was it I was saying?

Oh yeah.

Remember my N80?



The pretty nice mobile I liked alot for its multiple functions and clear camera?

Last week it won't turn on and it won't charge... so I sent it to mobility care centre to check.

I called the centre up today and found out they dunno if they can fix my phone cuz they opened it up but found nothing wrong with it. They suspect that a part is KOed but even if they replace it, the guy said it's 50 - 50 chance it might work.



*sigh*



What did I do to deserve all this crap? Seriously? For fuck sakes la, what did I fucking do?!? Raped some diseased kid's cripple grandfather in my past life issit?

Fuck.

Aja! Gambatte! Jia Yew! Courage, woman, COURAGE!

Things haven't been going well for me lately.

As most of you probably know by now that I had an accident about a month ago. Don't worry, no one was hurt eventhough I rammed into another car rather badly and that car bumped into the car before it.

*depressing cloud hangs overhead*


Many thanks to Serena and her family. Because of them I've been doing well eventhough I don't have a car.


It's something in this month's air that seems to have drained most of us financially.

Mom was nagging at me about the car repairs. It's about $1400 in total, plus the previous repairs on the engine 3 months ago at about $900. So grand total is $2300.


* faints *




I already paid my parents $1000 and now it's left $1300.


*sigh* To think I just had my bank account and supa save card problems sorted out, now pops out another financial calamity.


It's been hard on my mother as well. My brother quit his job roughly the same time I had my accident and he's done nothing since. According to mom that all he does is sleep late, eat, hang around the house - annoying her endlessly - and play games till God knows what time. Rinse and repeat. He's stopped buying the house groceries and helping out with the bills.


It's all up to my mom and dad now. But these days it's difficult for my dad to find jobs. Mom works harder than ever and it's something I'm in awe about. She's really is the best something and really don't deserve such troubles.


I don't know what I can do to help other than to send in more money. Hopefully in my appraisal this coming June would improve matters somewhat. I don't expect much but every bit helps.




Sometimes listening to my mother I can't help feeling how trivial my problems are. I dropped Josey (BenQ laptop) a couple of weeks ago and now she's got a lovely crack on the left side of her. Thank God she still works the next day cuz the night before I was tears, she just wouldn't turn on that nite. Dark hours in my life.


Even before I dropped Josey though, funny things been happening to her. The left side of her screen has three vertical lines in green or sometimes they change into two green stripes and one yellow. I felt it's perhaps Josey's way of communicating me in visual morse code.


Then one day my Photoshop CS2 started to act funny. It was extremely slow and sometimes even freezes. I'm thinking now I have to re-install the program cuz my creative soul can't live without it.




*sigh* Gambatte, ne?

Whatever May Be, May Be ~

I’ve been transferred to the Seria branch for two months now and I can tell you so far, it’s been real peaceful and quiet. I enjoy the time I get to spend with my family. The stupid arguments I have once a week at least with my brother.

Mom and I somehow have come to a truce of some sort. If I don’t mess up her kitchen and she doesn’t butt into my personal business, then all is well. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I dislike talking with mother, but she has way of speaking to me as if she was throwing verbal daggers laced with poisonous sarcasm. I know she doesn’t mean to speak like that with her children. Mom is just never comfortable with showing her emotions. Between the bluntness, the sarcasm, the critisms, she genuinely cares. I’ve come to understand that. However, that doesn’t mean I am an expert at dodging all her verbal daggers like Neo in Matrix.

Ah well, home isn’t home without her. Why even last week she and I made chocolate chips cookies together in a ‘mom and daughter team’ moment thing. It wasn’t unpleasant but I won’t be doing it any time soon though, it’s like making cookies with the last dowager empress of china. Terrified at the thought of a wrong word I could be sentenced to a death of a thousand cuts.

You know my brother and I have a code for when Mom is in a bad mood and starts scolding everyone till they turn black. We would say, “Careful, Mom keluar power today. Nag skill + 85% critical rate.” Man, we are really horrid children.

Oh yeah, while I am in KB, I read in the papers about the first Animal Shelter in Brunei. I can’t tell you how glad I was to find that people out there actually did something about it. You see, I’ve been reading forever in the papers in the opinion section about the complaints of the strays wandering around and breeding freely in public. Typical, a lot of people wrote in about the problem but no one has taken the intiative. Finally now I see that there is someone in Brunei who genuinely cared enough to do something about it. I joined their worthy cause and they tell me that they need more help in BSB than in KB. So I will report in for duty when I return to the capital. They need a lot of help so volunteers are always welcomed.

Speaking of pets, I got a friend who has quiet a few pets but no worries about abandament there cuz those are quality purebred dogs. The latest addition and my favourite is Cola, the American Cockerel Spaniel. I’ve always been partial to cockerel spaniels from the early days of watching Lady and the Tramp. Cola is really an adorable whirlwind of puppy flesh. I love his floppy ears but I’ve read somewhere that they need careful handling and proper care esp those ears cuz that’s where bacteria breeds most.

Also, speaking of careful handling and proper care, I’m happy to announce that Shikin gave birth to a lovely baby boy. Danish Daniel (DD for short) is just coming to a month old and he’s the cutest, most capi capi, adorable little munchkin. Pat, Shikin and I were talking baby stuff (well, they were, my last exp with raising a baby was 10 yrs ago.) and Pat suggested they both bring their boys out go Raya visiting together. But then what about me le? Nvm, can also, I bring Andrew! Who is Andrew? My baby la! 100% cotton yo. Made in China again. Steady le? *lol*

Sigh, it seems just a while ago I was blogging about Shikin and Pat’s weddings…and now I’m talking about their babies. Pural some more! Aiyah, makes me feel so old la, friends getting married and having tiny tots. Wait, dun get the wrong idea. I don’t feel like having a tiny tot myself or anything like that. Goodness no. Not yet anyway. What I meant was that I was feeling a little sad and nostalgic of how time flew right out of my hand just like that. I don’t know where I am anymore. I am in the present but it feels like my heart is in the past while my mind is on the future.

Que sera sera?

Haiz ~ Monotony

Everyday is the same. I wake up, shower, have my cup of coffee, get dressed and go to work. It doesn’t matter if I was on morning shift or afternoon’s shift because I always just wake up enough time to just get ready for work. XD

After work I would go online, chat with my friends from Ragnarok or Magic the Gathering. Download manga to read whenever I’m bored at work.

There are only two restaurants I go to near work and I’m such a regular there that they know what I like. If its mamak, then it’s always the ‘the tarik, roti kosong with telur mata lembu.’ If it s the Trader Inn restaurant, then its always coffee. Food is optional in that one cuz I only like their noodles and the vinegar chilli.

Then I go home, shower, take a cig and watch a movie or the numerous series that are available. American, Korean, Japanese. Three countries producing endless streams of action, drama and comedy.

Heroes, house, prison break, ugly Betty, black adder. Sassy girl, my lovely samsoon, my girl. Not to mention the endless Anime stretching to high heaven. Naruto, Ghost Hunt, Code Gaess, Claymore, Full metal alchemist.

The list just goes on and they have seasons again.

Which is good because lately I haven’t been sleeping well, which is ridiculous because I always drink strawberry milk before sleeping and its common knowledge that milk helps to induce sleep.

I would be in my bed staring at my ceiling fan thinking, “why is there's a fan on the ceiling when I got an air con? Is that my reflection from the metal hub of the fan?” Then I moved my foot, “Hey, it is my reflection!” …

At least I’m not short of entertainment.

The other night I switched off all the lights including my floor lamp. (I like to leave that on usually, well, for the ambiance. No, that’s a lie! I leave them on because I have a vivid imagination especially when I can’t sleep. Which is one reason why I don't watch scary movies alone at night, because I tend to replay them in my head over and over again esp in the dark.)

So there I was, in the dark, when suddenly James Brown’s ‘Play that funky music white boy’ popped up in my head.

Spent that night with ‘Friends’ season 9. Ross is so nerdy cute.

Where Did the Little Girl Go?

When I was a school girl I’ve always planned my actions. I would map out what I would do or what class I would attend afterschool or when I’m gonna save enough for an item.

Sometimes I miss that girl. She also has this large blue folder that acts as an organizer since she was primary 6 and continued using it till she graduated form 5.

She also had a cute calender filled with birthdays, exams and other important events of the year. She was also quiet a pack rat. There’s like 6 shoe boxes filled with junk locked in her closet.

How I wish that girl is here with me right now. She would know what to do, when to visit the museums and library of the capital, where and what to eat and she would never be late for work.

I bet she would have recorded in their diary on how living alone without friends or family aroudn has taken its toll on her. How the four bare walls in her room made her felt claustrophobic.

She would wonder who would bring her chicken ginger porridge when she is sick and who would worry about her if she never returned home from the night before.

A few times she wished there was someone with her when she cruised the capital at night enjoying the beautiful night lights reflected in the waters of kampung Ayer.

Thinking how monotonous her job is and only a steady stream of customers would make her shift go a little faster.

She loves her independence but the freedom has made her numb. There is no school to go to her shifts are forever changing so she seldom plans for anything more than which days to sleep in and when to do her laundry.

Well, basically there's not much for her to do now anymore.

Should I go for more activities? Maybe meeting new people is always an exciting thing but its not kindergarden anymore. It’s not like I could share the same sandbox with someone new and we instant become friends.

I can’t stand superficial people and do you know how many are they roaming the capital? Lots!

You can toss a stone into a crowd and hit no less than 3. At Chills or at Dome, they are there, ready to judge.

So yeah, no sandbox for them. Thank you very much.

Its hard to make new friends. Friends I can trust, friends I can hang out and laugh about the same stuff with. I’m not that all easy to get along sometimes. I mean sometmies I lose my temper and sometimes I tend to put my foot in my mouth and a lot of times I tend to overreact (yeah, drama queens would love me.)

God, I miss my pals back in KB. Effy, Shikin and Pat, guys, I can’t wait to see you all again.

Where Have I been?

It’s been a while since I last blogged. Well, more than a while even. I didn’t even finish blogging about my trip to KL last year which I felt was getting a bit draggy.

The only thing left worth mentioning was the trip to Genting Highlands which was very cold and very interesting. I got an ang pow there thanks to Uncle Lim. Hehehe. There are several rules to abide to when one is at the casino (it’s nothing james bond about it, no tux, no cocktails, but got free milo) that is not to stand behind anyone looking at their hand, not to make noise or bump or ask “why he do that for?”. Seriously, some people who go there to gamble are really into it, don’t play play. Also absolutely no picture taking allowed, unless you want to be escorted to the VIP back room for a little chat.

I loved the scenery in Genting Highlands though. Misty and wet, even the vegetation changed somewhat to more fern than flora. Overall, it was a nice trip,

There are no excuses for my long absence, just that I took a needed break from the blogsphere. All the loading of the pics, thinking of what to type about even when I don’t even feel like typing anything at all is just taxing.

So here I am again after nearly 5 months to blog again. Nothing in particular though, just a few things here and there that I thought is worth mentioning.

The past few festivities were of nothing much worth mentioning. Christmas came and gone where I got a monkey figure & monkey cup from my family. Grandma came to Brunei from Merudi and we all went out to take pictures at the NBT display. New year’s eve I spent alone at the hostel toasting to the dawn of a new year with vodka ice and a fruit cocktail dessert.

Chinese New Year was more interesting when I decided to join mum to go Miri to visit my relatives there along. Grandma was there, active as ever, chatting away with us all. I visited my uncle’s new house which is pretty nice but looks exactly the same as all the others in the neighbourhood. What can I say, suburban development. Sure wasn’t easy to find his house.

One thing that makes it worth going all the way to Miri to spend CNY is the fireworks. Oh, the fireworks. It was amazing. Maybe I’ll go again next year.

Other than all that, there’s really nothing much interesting been happening to me lately. I miss my friends in KB terribly and I don’t hang out late as much as I use to. I just stay cooped up inside my room playing PS2 games most of the time. Even my RO time has taken a step back since I no longer plan my own shifts and that I cannot play RO in the shop anymore. (Not with my exec around and online 24/7 on her laptop. *sigh*)

I don’t go online after 12 usually because there isn’t a phone line in the hostel at my disposal. So yeah, socially in real life and online, everything just kinda took a step backwards. Only now I have a car. I just go back and forth from work and that’s it. I don’t have that many friends in Bandar as I used to. So yeah…it kinda made me wonder how I survived those two years living in BSB without a car. *heh*

Anyway, I’ve been meaning to get back into blogging action so look forward to more posts in the future. ^_^

Okay...

I know it's been two months since I last posted but recently I've been having a writer's block. Trust me there is A LOT to blog about but as soon as I sit in front of Josey (laptop) my mind just goes blank.

Here's what to expect coming up:-

Shikin's Wedding...

This blog's 1st year anniversary...

Me playing Ragnarok for 1 year anniversary...

So please be patient while I organize all the mumbo jumbo that's been festering in my cranium for the past two months.

Much oblidged.

*Snap* *Snap* *Snappity* *Snap*

Sorry for not blogging much lately. I seem to have nothing to blog about these days...not surprsing though, this coming form someone who works in a boring job of a boring company in the boringest part of Brunei Darussalam.

There was a black out last saturday though. It only lasted a few hours from around 12 midnight to 3 am. It was nice cuz I spent most of it imagining I was in an era where there is no electricity, when ppl used oil lamps and candles. I also made a wax ball from melted wax of my candle.

No Electricity = Bored Woman in the Dark

At least in Temburong I can go hunt animals or fry insects or something. What is there to do in Kuala Belait? Ab-so-lute-ly nothing! Well, of course there's always Miri, but so sien visit Miri...nothing to do there also but to drink and get wasted.

So what am I doing now? Being trigger happy that's what I'm doing. I just got a new Nokia N80 and let me tell you, it's sweet. 3 megapix baby yeah! It's about time my blog gets clearer better pics.

This is all taken in chronological order so it's a bit random. I'm just putting the ones that aren't :-

A. Shakey
B. Dark
C. Pointless, nothing to see at all kind of pics taken by bored user.

Today I went to Bandar with Shikin. We didn't have anything to do so went to catch a movie instead at the Mall. Superman, RV, Recycle...bleh...nothing much so we hamtam pick one, 'Grandma's Boy'. It turned out to be freaking hilarious though.

36yr old game tester got kicked out his house by landlord cuz his roomate spent all the rent money on hookers. With no where to go, he moved into his grandmother's house and that's where all the trouble starts of course. It's a comedy where you get an inside look of how a loser/geek/nerd adult life is like. There's absolutely no story line here. It's more like you're watching a very entertaining bunch of monkeys.

But it's freaking hilarious. Ever watch 'Dude Where's My Car?' the concept is similar. Lots of funnies, little sense. Out of 10 I rate this movie : -

Story Line = 0.5

Funny Factor = 7.5

Total = 8.0

Was it worth my $5 + $3 popcorn? Not really, it's worth a $5 DVD 9 but not a one night stand cinema ticket. I rather hold out for Pirates of the Carribean 2. Jonny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightly, oh yeah.

Coffee, Tea or Tomato?

Last Saturday I went on an overdue family trip to Bandar Seri Bergawan. On the way we would usually have breakfast at the ‘mien tang’ (hawker stand) in Seria but I bought some dim sum instead and so we skipped that idea.

Thing is I was the one hankering for a chou kuay teow with hor pau tan (stir fried noodles with egg sunny side up) which is stupid cuz I work only 10 mins away from Seria and could get that anytime. Maybe it’s cuz my dad and I had developed this habit of having breakfast there everytime he send me back to my hostel back in my private college days.

So when we passed Sungai Liang there’s a tiny café there which, according to mom, sells really good stir fried noodles. I was thinking of getting some when my drove into the parking lot and asked me to ta pau 2 milo and 1 kopi for her and my sisters.

Got out of the car, walked to the tiny establishment, lo behold, it full of old men, sitting around ‘yum char’ (drink tea) or ‘pak toh’ (dating) for all I know. They all looked at me as if I am the first female to step into the place since 1964.

“Hell, no, not ordering any food from here. Dunno they drug me with it and later sell my meat to make char siew pau with.”

Walked to the counter, “Lau Pan (boss), can I have two cups of milo and 1 cup of kopi to go?” ”Sorry, we dun sell by cups, we sell by bottles.”

Bottles? So special ar? Ok lah.

*wait wait wait*

“Ok, here ya go. $2.60 please.”

“Here, ok…thank…you?”

The guy handed me a plastic bag with 3 large glass bottles of maggi chilli and tomato sauce. Nga? What the…? Then upon closer inspection... *PFFFF!!!*

These people put the coffee into the bottles. Do they actually expect ppl to drink out of this? What the hell?Poor mom, she chug it down with real gutso but I bet the other drivers are wondering why there’s a lady drinking maggi sauce while driving.

Who needs red bull, eh? Got tomato faloured coffee le, real kick. >_<