- At The Moment of My Mind -

Taking leaps of faith only to fall in step with Him.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Can I Take You And Your Broom Out For Dinner?

Earlier being in a good mood while driving home from work I decided to bring my family out for dinner sometime this sat or next wed. I told my mom when I reached home.

This is how it went:-

"Ma, this sat are you free?”
“I mean are you busy?”
“Depends on what you want to do.”


“I just want to take the family out for dinner. Sushi.”
“How can the kids (somehow my sisters are always referred to as ‘The Kids’ never ‘your sisters’ in this family.) eat those kind of things?”

“Aiya, got the normal stuff also ma, like fried rice.”

At this moment we both look at each other. A questioning look at another…one can probably picture our silent mental conversation like this:-

*Why all of the sudden you so nice take family out to dinner?*

*I good mood lor, like that also cannot?*
*There’s something you want from me issit?*
*Do you hear me asking you for anything?*
*You killed someone, didn’t you? Knocked down some innocent pedestrian on a bike while driving too fast, issit?*
*Nothing like that!*
*You’re not gonna order something weird and make mommy sick, issit?*

*Why would I want to do that?*
*For fun lor.*
*Aiya! This time I really earnest what. Long time liao I dun treat family to dinner so this time I want to bring mommie out for sushi cuz mommie say never go before and thinks sushi nice to eat, good to experience ma. Plus, mother's day is coming agian.*
*Ok lor, ok lor…*
*…what…why are you looking funny at me like that?*
*Are you gonna bring a guy to introduce to us during this dinner?*
*No such thing!!!*
*Oh ok…cuz if you are then mommy have to tell daddy, he would want to come and see...*
*Already said, no such thing!*

It’s draining I tell you, staring at each other like that, anticipating each other’s next verbal move. Then she said, ok, she think about it, if got something come up this sat, she will let me know.

Later I can hear her sweeping the floor downstairs and it was 11pm. Haiz. Probably so puzzled by my behaviour that she felt she had to do something normal.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Lady Knife the Firefighter

Since working in the BSP area, I’ve been briefed before on the standard safety and precaution regulations set by Brunei Shell Petroleum. They are very particular about this and it’s good because, let’s face it, nobody wants to lose an arm or a leg or a head even while working. Think of the paperwork.

The only time I’ve witness a fire demonstration was when I was in school, and that was like far, far, FAR away from the fire, in a crowded side of the school. One of the teachers would be brave enough to step up and grab the extinguisher. Execute the three ‘P’s, Pull, Point and Press.

Then there was a time when my boss of Dee Jay was smoking in his office and tossed the cig into the waste paper basket without putting it out entirely. We were all wondering where the smell of burning came from before realizing it was from the office. The boss was out at the time. I didn’t see the fire, but then one of the guys came in and put out the fire.

Those are the two scenarios of fire fighting I’ve witnessed.

However, this is different.

First we have a small lecture in the conference room. Interesting stuff, like if I am crawling along in a dark room, I should feel the wall with my palm up and not down. Close all doors when you evacuate the building and how to open the door properly so you don’t become a barbequed kebab by the time you get out.

We had to put on the standard training clothes before moving on to the physical part of the course. I’m glad of this when I saw what we had to do. We had to go through the smoke room. It looks like a normal building from the outside but inside, its pitch black and narrow, with steps, tunnels and various obstacles. It felt like scout endurance course but only in the dark.

I’ve been through something like that before, when I was in a scout leader training camp. We were blind folded and had to walk through the bushes and what not with only a rope to guide us. Along the way, the first person would shout out body count, 1,2,3, and so on. We lost two people from a group of 7 that day. XD

So this time I was a tiny bit worried cuz I was the last one in a line of 7. Worse, I was in a group of giggling ladies from a salon also in the BSP area. You can only imagine what happened in there. There was a lot of giggling, talk and a lot of shushing from my part. (worse, they were all talking in Chinese, giving out instruction in Chinese “Start crawling here!” when they clearly forgot that there are two malay girls in the line as well. Sheesh.) I was hit in the head by someone’s shoe but didn’t mind, cuz at least I didn’t get stuck or left behind. It took us four minutes to get out. Real fire fighters take 45 seconds.

Then all that’s left is the proper handling of the fire extinguishers. Pull, Point and Press. That’s what I did…only the fire didn’t go out like it was suppose to…instead it reignited. *Ack!* Spray, spray, spray some more. Finally it went out.

“This, ladies and gentlemen, is a good example never to turn your back from a fire. You need to make sure to put the fire out once and for all and just back away but always facing the fire.”


There was a lot of rain during the outside fire extinguishing exercise. So in the end I’m all wet and tired but it was lots of fun. So now, when any fire breaks out, my advice, do what I would do, be the first one out of the building. Don’t hero, please.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

natsuhiboshi naze akai
yuube kanashii yume wo mita
naite hanshita
akai me wo
natsushiboshi naze mayou
kieta warashi wa sagashitteiru
dakara kanashii yume wo miru

why is the summer star red
last night I had a sad dream
I was crying and talking
with red eyes
why has the summer star lost its way
I know such childish stories
that's why I have such sad dreams

Monday, April 10, 2006

Random Thoughts

Recently a friend suggested that I put all my thoughts into a log or a book, and then when in time of need I can bring out these thoughts to help. I use to do that with my diaries, whenever I am sad or confused, I would write in them until I feel better. It was a safe outlet for sorting out my own confusing emotions during my teenage years.

Over time I got busier and busier with work and games…er, I mean, life, I altogether stopped writing in my last diary.

I’ve always started my entries with ‘dear diary…’ because it seems like I’m writing to my best of best friends, the one who will never judge, criticize or betray me. Then after I read ‘Diary of Anne Frank’, I started the habit of signing off my entries with ‘with love, Felicity.’

Here however, it’s a public journal. So please forgive me if I refrain from publishing my innermost secrets but I will still however like take my friend’s suggestion and blog my random thoughts once in a while. You can choose not to read this as it’s all my own thought manifesting in my brain.

I Want to Live ‘Till Tomorrow

Have you ever met someone you really like and then have that person like you back? I’m not saying girl meet guy kind of feeling but probably someone you might bump into at work or at a school function or even online. It’s one of the greatest feelings in the world. You feel better about yourself, more confident, happier cuz you got to know someone neat like that.

Why is that?

It’s because, unconsciously, we are all looking for acceptance in general society. One step at a time, one person after another, one place after the last.

The most important to us still are our parents acceptance of us. Our flaws, our strengths, our worries, our hopes and dreams. Teach us to get up when we fall down, let us grow in the sunlight and shield us not from the rain. Let us grow and guide us with wisdom.

That is what we human do best, we learn, we adapt, we invent, we survive, we claw our way into existence.

So when we are hurt, we shield or protect what is most important to us. When we find something that makes us feel good, we try to find it again and try to keep it. This behavior, if overindulged turns to greed, is normal in all of us. It’s the basic instinct we are all born with.

We all started out as an empty vessel with nothing but a soul. Without scars, without memories, we all began as a blank book.

But then, what happens when we like someone but that someone doesn’t like us? It’s sad is it not? Worse, what if the person that we like starts to criticize us? Saying things that they don’t really mean but nonetheless hurts us at the most core?

What happens then?

We get on with our lives. The sun will still rise, and then it will still set. Day in, day out, time will pass us by until that bit of wound is healed and we forget what had hurt us in the first place and wonder why we’ve been so petty in the first place.

Yes, it did hurt, but it wasn’t petty, it had meant something to us at the time. It only seems petty, perhaps regretful or shameful now because we’ve become stronger.

Being weak is what means to be human. We are born weak and we will die weak. Our existence is fragile, we are fragile.

So we learn to become stronger. Why? Because we want to protect our existence and the existence of those we love, who are most important to us.

But by being stronger, until we shield everything from us, bad or good isn’t the solution to everything. That is also a weakness.

It’s because human beings are a weak race that is why we have to forgive. We all have flaws. None of us are perfect. Teach each other, learn from each other, apologize and forgive each other, no one is perfect, no one is right, and everyone just wants to live until tomorrow same as everybody else. This is how we survive.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

0.5 Year Anniversary of Ragnarok

Yes ladies and gentlemen, 6 mths has gone by in a blink of a virtual eye. A lot of things has happened since I started out, alone and innocent, into the world of Ragnarok.

First I would like to thank those of my guild members who have so graciously and patiently put up with my wishy washy ways and taught me a lot. They accepted me as part of their family where I met good people and had many memorable times. ^_^

Limited as Ragnarok may be, it’s a lot of fun. Although my sucky dail up inhibits my game play, still it doesn’t prevent me from continuing on playing, no matter how frustrated I become. I keep on playing because I still want to meet my friends online in RO, still want to keep on learning, keep on improving myself.

There is just so much to explore and do. I don’t understand how some people would become arrogant and say things like, “sien la, so boring here.” Or “dunno la, see first lor, got no mood to go.” Then why log into RO at all? Might as well just sit and stone at home.

As for me, I’ve incorporated so much of RO into my daily life that my friends and staff at work knows I go for War of Emperiums every Wednesday and Saturday. Haha. They understand inside jokes like “Dying is OK!” I think I’ve actually achieved balance in my virtual and real world.

Favorite places to visit in Ragnarok? I like Payon, Gonryun and Niflheim.

Ro Music? I like the music of Gonryun and Prontera.

Favourite Item? Ack! I don't know! I like them all!

Easiest Job Change? That has to be the swordie change job test. All you have to do is to make sure you WALK properly.

Nicest Quest? Erm, all the ones I've tried are fun actually. Lol.

Most memorable moments? When I got my Ragnarok guidebook, thanks to Ulat and when I got my AI CD, thanks to Eekie! You two rawk!

OMG Moment of the past 6 mths? Spire is married to Popo??? “Pedophile is OK!” *omg!omg!omg!*